Former nurse who got addicted to heroin & METH opens up about drug use (2024)

A former nurse who got addicted to heroin and meth while working in a hospital has opened up about how his drug abuse blew apart his medical career - and saw him spiral into shocking descent that ended with him being sent to prison.

The ex trauma nurse, named Brian, from California,who is still currently serving out his sentence on house arrest, recently spoke out about his harrowing journey in a series of videos shared to his YouTubechannel.

Brian broke down in tears as he opened up about how he would secretly steal medicine and needles to fuel his rampant drug addiction while working as an RN in the ICU.

For years, he said he lived a double life, coming to work and helping patients get better, as he himself plunged into a downward spiral that he kept hidden from everyone around him.

Eventually, his addictions were brought to the surface after he failed a drug test at work and his wife noticed he had marks all over his arms from the needles - and he was forced to go to rehab.

But after spending three months at a recovery center, he quickly relapsed and his life continued to fall apart.

His wife ultimately left him, taking most of their shared belongings as well as their home, leaving him jobless and living out of an RV while selling drugs to make ends meet.

The once-respected medical professional was eventually arrested for selling drugs and sentenced to three to 10 years behind bars.

Now sober, Brian spoke in detail about what he went through in the hopes of helping others who may be struggling with drug addiction.

'Anyone from any background can find themselves stuck in addictive loops that can become very destructive and life-deranging and this includes medical staff like your nurses and doctors - I can attest to that because I am one of those nurses,' he began in one of his YouTube videos.

Brian explained thathe 'tried drugs in high school and immediately' enjoyed the feeling, and he theorized that he was 'self medication his own psychological problems.'

While at first, he 'took a liking to opiates,' he said everything changed after he discovered a drug calledkratom.

According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, kratom is 'an herbal substance that can produce opioid- and stimulant-like effects.' It is legal in most parts of the US.

'From the day that I discovered kranum I started taking it regularly all the time,' Brian continued.

'I preferred other opiates more but this one was always available and legal and so I was able to be a functioning addict on that for years.'

By the time he started nursing school, he said he was 'fully dependent' on the drug.

'I was a full-on addictive mess already before I even started nursing,' he admitted.

Even so, he got his license and was hired as a trauma RN in the ICU - but his 'addiction' only 'escalated.'

'It wasn't actually because ofaccess to meds as you might expect itwas really more that I had access to IVequipment,' he shared.

'Using needles isn'tsomething I probably would have everdone on my own but since I had becomecomfortable with it as a nurse - starting IVs on patients, understandinghow they worked, knowing how to do itproperly and professionally and safely - Iwasn't afraid to put needles inmyself at that point.

'And it was really easy to have access to all the IV supplies and needlesupplies I wanted as a nurse.I would takeextra needles home.

'I also took meds fromhospitals when I could but there are alot of checks in place to prevent the staff from stealing medications,particularly medicationsthat are have potential for abuse, so my access to those were prettylimited.

'I would get away with it when Icould, I'm not proud of thisobviously, I'm so ashamed of this.'

Brian said he started using heroine and meth regularly, all while 'hiding it' from his wife, whose name he did not share for privacy reasons.

He tried multiple times to get clean 'for her,' rather than focusing on getting better for himself, something he now thinks was one of his major problems.

'Nobody wants to be become an addict of any kind - particularly a heroin and meth addict - but my primary motivation at the time was, I wanted to [stop] for her,' he said.

'This is something that I think a lot of addicts can really relate to, we don't want to be sick ourselves but we feel so guilty for what we have done to the people around us that our instinct isn't to get better for us, the instinct is to get better for the people we love and the people around us because of what we put them through.

'My primary motivation was really to be better for her. I wanted to prove to her that I could be the guy that deserved her.'

While things were going well for a while in 2018, he said all of that changed in early 2019 when his wife was forced to move to her home city of Tahoe, California, to take care of her ailing father.

'What I did after she left was, that very night I went down into town and got some heroin and brought it back to the apartment and used,' he recalled.

'The thing that I was placing my motivation for change in had just left and wasn't going to be around for a while so [I thought], "This is an opportunity to get high."'

Brian said after his contract ended at work he moved to Tahoe to be with her, where he applied for a local nursing job.

But during the onboarding process he was asked to submit a hair sample for drug testing.

Panicked, he ordered a shampoo off the internet that's 'supposed to wash the drugs out of your hair.' But unfortunately, he failed the test.

'At this point was completely in denial about the situation and I responded with anger and frustration instead of any kind of acceptance or self-reflection,' he dished.

Brian admitted that he lied to his wife about why he didn't get the job - but a few weeks later, his fib was exposed when she discovered a letter in the mail that said he had been 'reported to theboard of nursing for failing a drugtest and that he was under investigation.'

'While this investigation was going on mylicense would be unaffected. So what Idecided to do was get a differentnursing job,' he continued.

'I ended up getting athree-month contract at a place out oftown about halfway between Tahoe and San Francisco.

'As soon as as Istarted going down there for theseassignments I started getting high regularly again.

'I'm in a situation where mynursing license is at stake and mywife's dad is about to die and and none of thatcomputed.'

Unfortunately, his wife's father passed away a few weeks later, and when she asked him to try on one of his shirts in the days after his death, she noticed the 'needle tracks' on his arm and decided to stage an intervention.

'I took my shirt off and she could see everything and I think that was the most horrible moment of my life,' admitted Brian.

'Not because of what had happened to me, not because she had discovered what I was doing but watching her break after everything that had happened [with her dad]... Just watching her fall apart was horrible man it was just horrible.'

His wife ultimately reached out to some of Brian's friends, and they confronted him and told him he had to go to rehab.

He was there for three months, but six months after he finished treatment, he relapsed.

'At that point I just didn't really care anymore. I was getting divorced and I was giving the house to my ex and and all of my things to my ex,' he said of that time of his life.

'I stopped nursing and I just ended up in this camper van doing heroin and meth all the time. I did that for about a year and then started selling drugs to support my habit.'

He was forced to stop after he was caught selling drugs and got arrested. He said his turning point came soon after he started his sentence, with him explaining in one of his YouTube videos that he suddenly had a 'mental shift' after realizing he was 'all alone in prison.'

'There was nobody to try to take care of in my life except me - that's when it finally clicked,' he said.

He is now sober and has served three years, and was recently allowed to continue his sentence on house arrest. In six months, he will be eligible for parole.

While reflecting on his journey, he said he felt 'so much shame and self-loathing' about how he 'handled his responsibilities as a medical professional.' But he hopes that being so open about it will help others.

'It'snever anyone's intention to get stuck inaddiction,' he added. 'How is it possible that wecan get so wrapped up in these thingsand lose sight of everything else that'sgoing on in our lives regardless of theconsequences?

'This story is sad it's traumatic and notbecause of the things that happened tome but because of what I put my familythrough.

'My hope intelling this story is that it might behelpful to anyone who is struggling withaddiction or has struggledwith addiction [in the past] or has someone in their life who is addicted.

'If you're involved with someone whois wrapped up in addiction, I hope it mightjust be helpful to hear this perspectivebecause no matter how crazy it seems or howselfish it seems, it's not their planto be like that.'

Brian insisted that despite 'still being incarcerated,' this feels like 'the best time of his life' because it's the first time he's been sober in so long.

'I just want this toserve as a message,' he concluded. 'Ifyou're going through it or if you knowpeople that are going through it, it's possible - no matter how bad it is -to get to a way better place and experiencelife in a way that's far superior thanyou've ever experienced before.'